What Do You Want In Your Relationship? What Are You Looking For? The Definitive Guide

 

Sometimes we think about getting into a new relationship but do we really think about all of the things that we really want.

  We check out the reviews when buying a new product.  We check out reviews on a potential doctor but so many times we jump headfirst into a relationship without doing a checklist of all the things that we would like for our relationship to have.

I actually would recommend that you make a spreadsheet with the traits of your ideal mate.  

I have a lot of things that I like about men and that is tall men, men who are quiet, and men who have a good sense of humor which is a plus.  He must be a gentle giant and generous.  So I wouldn't mesh well with a man who is loud and self-centered.

I know that this is a little extreme but it is worth it.  You should know what you like to do for entertainment and some of the things that you would enjoy with your new relationship.

If you would like a man or woman to dress a certain way, including that on your spreadsheet.  If you like your person to be religious or not, then that would go on the list.

You will always have some surprises because nobody is perfect, but I had someone tell me that they hated when their boyfriend would wear white tees on his day off from work.

 I asked this person whether she checked out what he was wearing at the beginning of their relationship, and she said that he would show up at her house with a white tee, so I wondered why she was "surprised" that he was still doing this.

Honestly, he didn't have a problem, she did!

This seems like something that is trivial but it can cause silly arguments.  Some men do not like wigs or hair weaves, and if they feel this way, they should not date someone and expect them to change when the relationship gets more serious.

If you like a hard-working man or woman, then don't date anyone who is barely working even if you think that they are cute.

Seriously think about whether or not you could date someone with ongoing, chronic health conditions and be completely honest with yourself. If you are chronically ill, make sure that you disclose this with the other person so there are no surprises.  This is very important!

If someone tells you that they are not ready for a serious relationship and you are ready, then it is time to stop seeing this person if your goal is a long-term relationship or marriage.  This keeps you from wasting your precious time.

Be honest with yourself because life is short to live with regrets. Never think that you can fix someone because they may not feel like they are broken.

The Truth Behind Dating An Unmotivated Man

 The Truth Behind Dating An Unmotivated Man

Hello Ladies, today we are going to talk about what happens when you date an unmotivated man.

So, you went to your local corner store to buy some gum and some water, and as you approach the door someone says "hello, how are you doing today" you start to not speak but you think to yourself "he seems harmless."  You go into the store and you see him peeking through the window and he waves at you.

You pay for your items, and as you are leaving the store he says "you are so beautiful, can I have your number?" You know that you don't really want to entertain this man, but you give him your phone number. You drive about three blocks, and he is calling your phone.  You answer and you tell him that you are on your way to work, and you tell him that you will call or text him later.

When you come in from work you call him, and he is very kind and has the gift of gab.  You love his voice.  He tells you that he is an artist and is the "Jack of all trades."

You ask him about his job, and he says that he just got laid off because his job eliminated his position because of the pandemic.

He says that he is actively searching for work, but in the meanwhile, he sells his paintings.

You start to like this guy and the next month, he tells you that he is losing his apartment, and he has nowhere to go.  Before you know it, he is moving into your place.

You tell him that you are going to support him while he is looking for a job.  Fast forward to four months, he is eating your food playing video games all day, and doing a painting about twice a month.

You ask him "why aren't you looking for a job," he says "I don't have the right clothes and all of the jobs are too far for me to travel."
 You tell him that he can get a job online, and he then claims that he doesn't really know how to work a computer even though you know he can.

You start to notice that he has an excuse for everything.  You find evidence that he is on dating sites texting and meeting women while you are at work.  You confront him, and he swears that he is going to change.  Fast forward to a year, he is still playing video games, eating up all of your food, you just find out that you are pregnant, and you are still the breadwinner in this relationship.

The point I am getting at in this post is you knew when you went into that store that this man didn't have anything going on in his life, or he wouldn't have been just standing in front of the store.

You let him sweet talk you into letting him into your life.  You have this fantasy that you can fix this man and change him into the man that you want him to be.

Ladies, a whole man doesn't need any fixing, he will have a career, car, his own home or apartment and he will not need your assistance for anything.  

Some of these men are unmotivated because you ignored the red flags right away in the relationship. They were always there, but your need and thirst for companionship blinded your common sense.

This man isn't going to ever help you and you need to remove him from your home as soon as possible.  Now you are pregnant without any support and it is your own fault.

Distance yourself from any man who doesn't have his life together, and you will prevent yourself from having a lifetime of pain.

  

Life Wasn't Too Kind To Me

 

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Hello everyone, I guess you all are saying "Long time no see."  It has been quite a long time since you all have seen me on this blog.

I have been busy with a lot of projects, health issues, and also some good things that have happened in my life.  This morning, I was thinking about years ago when things weren't so great in my life.

There was a time when I was homeless due to domestic abuse when I was in my twenties.  I quickly removed myself from my abuser, but I found that my life was never going to be the same again. 

Coming from a middle-class background, I thought that I would never be homeless because although we weren't rich, we weren't poor either.  My mom always prepared us for hard times. 

After leaving my abuser, I had to search and search to find an apartment that I could afford.  The search was very difficult because my income was very low at that time.  

I was looked down upon because of my clothes and my financial status.  Some people would not give me a chance at a better life because of my overall look.

Even some family members treated me unfairly because of my situation.  God rescued me, and a lot of people whom I didn't expect to help, me started helping me. These people were people who weren't my own race.  I was amazed at how God worked in my life at that time.

I had to find my own way.  It took many years and a lot of ups and downs because many times my financial situation took a turn for the worse. I became very ill.  I looked for work but I didn't have the clothes, and sometimes I didn't have a babysitter to allow me to work the kind of jobs I needed to improve my situation.

I was stuck!  I always tried to improve myself by taking courses, reading self-help books, or investing a little money into trying to start a small business. 

Many days I woke up depressed.  I had a small child who was depending on me, and I had to try to snap out of it so I could raise her.

It took many years for me to change my life. It was hard as heck.  A few years before my dad passed, he told me "Do not tell anyone your plans, just do anything that you want to do and work on yourself because people are very negative and they will tell you that it won't work out," that was the best advice ever.

  I started a lot of projects and a few failed but many worked out.  I am still not a wealthy person, but I have peace of mind, income, and the ability to create more income and peace of mind.  

My father was so right!  That advice changed my life.  This year, I am going to really branch out and start some new projects that will bring in more money.  I stay away from the naysayers.  Working on myself is the best project that I have ever invested in. 

I have a YouTube channel called SashaMoniqueTalks if you are interested in learning more about me and my life. 

I do a lot of lifestyle content, product reviews, thrift hauls, etc.

A lot of people say that I don't look like what I have been through. God was my answer. He protected me and showed me how to survive.  I learned how to save money and shop at thrift stores so I could obtain a more pulled-together look.  I also shop on clearance racks at major department stores.

This post is not a sob story but it is my story of triumph.  It is intended to encourage anyone who may be going through the same situation.