Love is gone so what am I going to do?

Love is gone so what am I going to do?


Image Courtesy Of Pixabay.

It is not easy going through a breakup.  Spending time alone is rough unless you are a loner.  Finding new things to do and places to go alone can be so hard.

I have personally decided that I will remain alone for a while and concentrate on health and work on my career.  I am a  loner at heart and I personally enjoy my own company.

We have all these dating apps and websites and finding love is harder than ever.  Being alone is the best time to nurture all the things that you let go of when you were in a relationship.

I have decided to let love go but you don't have to, get yourself ready for new love and another adventure but take the time to find out exactly what you want in your relationship and some of the things that you would like to work on in your life to prevent another breakup.

Knowledge is power and although we cannot prevent some things that contribute to a breakup and a divorce, you can get to know yourself and what you will and will not put up with.  Maybe you will learn to be happy with your journey in life.

Taking trips and making plans are definite ways to get over your failed relationship.  Life is not over!
Find outings that are geared towards single folks, not to find another lover but to find new friends who know where all the hip and happening places are.

If you have let yourself go, now is the time to step up on your hygiene and fashion game.  Be you and be fabulous in your own right.

Sir, Why Are You So Negative???

Sir, Why Are You So Negative??


Image Courtesy Of Pixabay.

Recently, I was at an event and it was a married couple where the husband said something very negative to his wife, and I thought I was going to fall out of my chair.

I will not repeat what he said, but it was a reference to her looks and her as a woman.  She didn't say anything back to him because obviously, it is something that he normally does.

Mind you, this man is not Prince Charming himself and he should never say that to his wife.  On the other hand, his wife is beautiful, she has large doe eyes and they are really striking.

I am quite sure his wife spoke to him at home about this. What I am going to say regarding this is don't do this to your wife or any other person, have some respect and some class.

Mrs, please keep yourself up because when you don't, men notice.  It still doesn't excuse his behavior, but don't let him see you slipping.

Fix yourself up, and if he doesn't improve, then maybe you should consider making permanent changes in your marriage.

(Men) Top Don'ts In A Relationship.

(Men) Top Don'ts In A Relationship.


Image Courtesy Pixabay

Hello Gentlemen, these are tips for men to stop doing these things in their relationships.

1. If your girlfriend doesn't feel well, don't come over because she doesn't want any company.
2. If your girl is cooking expensive dishes, such as; shrimp, lobster, and oxtails.  "I Love Oxtails" do not show up with any of your friends unless she specifically invites them.
3. Do not absolutely, do not come to her house with extra clothes (trying to move in on the sly) because she didn't ask you to move in.
4. Do not kiss her if your breath smells bad.
5. Do not show up at her house late if she told you to come by 7pm, do not come at 11pm.
6. Do not come to her house with five of your kids if she didn't ask you to.
7. Don't keep the toilet seat up because she hates that.
8. Do not text someone while you are at her house. (this is disrespectful.)
9. Please do not avoid calling her for three weeks and then just show up at her house unannounced.
10. Do not have her thinking you are going to marry her if you do not intend to.

These rules are very easy to follow and she will love you for being considerate.  Please leave comments if you would like to leave even more tips.

(Video) How To Stop Being A Doormat

Stop Being A Doormat.

Sometimes it is easier said than done but some of us have lived the lifestyle of being agreeable and taking the backseat when we should have been more present and expressed what we are really feeling.  There are people who are a doormat and don't even know that they are because this is what they have seen in their life.

This video below is very pertinent and an eye-opener and it gives insight on how to change this behavior.

She Waited 20 Years And He Still Didn't Marry Her.

Picture Courtesy Of Pixabay


She was young and beautiful, he was the debonair older man and they met at a social event.  They made eye contact and he was hooked and she was too.  

Their relationship started very fast, she was only twenty years old and he was thirty-nine years old and he saw her as the spicy young thing that he had prayed for. 

 Secretly she had always had a thing for older men but she was ashamed to let her friends know. In her mind, she could hear all the laughter that they would make if they only knew.

I am going to call her Diane.  Diane started staying away from her friends and they didn't know why, why because she knew that they would tell her family what she was doing. 

 This man wined and dined her and there was nothing financially off-limits to her.  She saw this as the perfect set-up but what she was soon to find out, her debonair boyfriend had a family, a wife, and four kids.

  Diane found this secret out while looking through her boyfriend's pants pocket and she saw a picture with his cute but older wife and three older kids the last child was only seven years old.

Young, sexy Diane tried to convince herself that she could live with this situation after she confronted her boyfriend and as many years passed she remained complacent in a relationship that was a sinking ship.  

It took five years for the wife to find out what was going on but she decided that she wanted to stay married to her cheating husband.  This man-made so many promises that he was going to leave his wife and marry Diane but it never happened.

  She got so tired of being alone during the holidays and never fully being a part of his life and she spent twenty years of her life trying to please him so that he would see that she was worthy enough to become his wife one day.

This beautiful lady wasted her youth on a good for nothing liar and her beauty started to fade, it faded quickly because this old man stole her youth, he stole her happiness because of his own selfish needs. Guess what?? He doesn't really want Diane anymore but she keeps hanging on because she feels like she cannot do any better. 

 If you are like Diane, really think about this story because being with someone's husband will lead you on a road of lies and destruction.  They always say they will marry you but they won't.

You are worthy of a chance to get married and have the family you have always dreamed of and that will only happen with someone who is single and ready to make a commitment.  Never waste time on a sinking ship!

Picking My Battles Wisely.

I have had some things to confront this week that I want to talk about.  Someone tried to get me upset and was really wanting me to argue with them over something trivial. 

 I told the person that I didn't have the time to argue and it didn't make any sense to waste time on something that she was actually supposed to do and missed the mark.  A lot of times, people try to cover up their mistakes by putting the blame on you when it was their fault.

There will be a time in your life when you will decide that all battles are not yours to fight and I am too grown to have to deal with people's insecurities. 

I have no idea why we as women have a problem with dealing with past hurts and feel as if they have to strike out at someone.  What is wrong with talking like a human being and finding out what the problem really is instead of looking for a fight or argument.  Animals act in this manner.

We really have to change as women and as African American women we need to learn how to deal with people in a professional manner.  Yes, I said professional because this person works in a professional job and she has been slacking for months now and she doesn't want anyone to call her out.

Please pick your battles wisely, everything is not a reason to act in such a negative manner and if you make a mistake, just own up to it. You will go a lot further in your career and in every area of your life.  Life is just too short for foolishness. 

Today Is Mother's Day But Need To Get Something Off My Chest (Father's)

Hello, everyone, today is Mother's Day and it is a great day for us mothers who have worked hard and reared our children.  I have to say this Ladies and Gentlemen, it is hard to do it alone.

  I have done it and I would not wish it on my worst enemy but sometimes you have no choice in the matter.  Life throws a curve ball and you have to deal with the hand that you are dealt.  

I want fathers to realize that just because your ex is out of your life, gives you no excuse to not support your children.

He or she may be grown now but they are looking for encouragement and support and even advice from you.  Don't think that they are looking for financial support because that may not be the case. 

Think about the times that your dad took you to play ball or told you that you were doing a great job.  They also had to scold you from time to time; It supported your growth as an adult and as a human being.

Maybe your daughter wanted you to walk her down the aisle or give her advice.  Your nonchalant attitude is not an excuse to totally zone out of her life. 

 Yes, she is grown but she needed that hug, she needed that message to just hear the right words that only you could give.  She wanted to see you hug that beautiful child that she brought into the world. 

 Her scars are there and again mommy has to come with the handkerchief to wipe the tears from her face.

Do you have a heart, heck no!  Your concern is only about you as it has always been. The missing puzzle that can never be found, the voice that is silenced.  The realization that time is of the essence because mortality has no warning.  This is something to think about you guys but not only think about it but do something about it.  Time is not on your side. 

How to find a good man.

Hello, Ladies.  A lot of you want to know how to find a good man and what characteristics are associated with a good man.  Below you will see different videos speaking on this subject.  Watch these videos and also take notes.

                          Steve, Where Can I Find A Good Man?

                          Steve Harvey's Advice For Successful Women Who                              Can't Find A Good Man

                            How To Find A Good Black Man

                    The Qualities Of A Good Man- Dr. Myles Munroe                                                                                                                          

 

Learning How To Adjust After Being In A Bad Relationship Isn't Easy.

Ladies and Gentlemen.  I don't have any questions to answer today so I decided that I would talk on this subject about "Learning how to adjust after being in a bad relationship.

 At some point in your life, you will be met with a relationship that has never bought you any happiness and also a lot of confusion. Boy, have I been there?  It always starts the same. 

 You meet this person and he is attractive and easy to talk to so you decide to go on a date and the night, is just magical.  He wines and dines you and you two have great conversation and for a few months or more, he is the only man for you until you find out that this man has a lot of secrets.

 He hasn't been open or upfront about "Anything" that he has told you.  You asked him about his family or children and as usual, they never have children or they just have one and then later you will find out that this joker is the father of six children that he is not taking care of.

Sometimes you have invested time with this man and will let it all slide because you feel that you are in love with this man. And that is the wrong thing to do because the lies will continue.  

There are always signs such as; being always on his phone, strange calls in the middle of the night, stories that don't add up and never having any money.

It almost seems like you need a freaking college degree to find out the do's and what you should not be doing while navigating your way in a relationship. I have spoken on numerous occasions about using self-help books to see what you need to change in order to have a successful relationship.

You don't have to take a course regarding this subject unless you want to.  Knowledge is power and the more we learn, the more we know.  Educate yourself on this subject.  Here are some books that may be helpful to you.

How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships
How To Have A Successful Social Life: Through Better Communication and Relation
Relationship Workshop: How to have a successful relationship that lasts
The Right One: How to Successfully Date and Marry the Right Person

Everybody Has Family Rifts But You Can Recover And Move Forward.

Most of us have family rifts and disagreements and sometimes we have problems moving forward.  If the rifts last too long, it can be extremely hard to recover and time can past that none of us can get back. 

 There are times that we let our pride get in the way.  I think the older you get, the more stubborn you get and set in your own ways.  Happiness is within reach if two people can just learn to sit down and talk about the things that went wrong in the relationship.

I have had these situations happen to me as well and it gets very tiring and it kills your spirit.  I believe that therapy is the best way to learn how to communicate in an effective manner.  Some of us don't have the time or our insurance may not cover these therapy sessions.  I know that there are some that have a sliding scale payment and this can make it very affordable. 

 In the meantime, there are ways that you can work on yourself and that is through self-help books.  I am a fan of these kinds of books because you can read them on your own time and you can privately address your personal issues.

I would like to suggest this book if you are interested and you can get it here.  This book is very informative and you will definitely learn better ways of coping and moving forward.

Have You Ever Been In A Bad Relationship But Was Scared To Get Out? SashaMoniqueTalks Breaking Down Barriers

 Hello, everyone.  Have you ever been in love with someone and you just know that you two cannot get along but deep down you really love this person and don't know how to end the relationship?  Well, I have and it is not a place that I would ever like to revisit. 

 I can remember my heart pounding and the tears flowing.  I remember questioning myself and wondering whether it was my fault that the relationship was not working.  Removing myself from this situation was heartbreaking and very hard to do.

This place and space where I was, was not healthy and I knew that I had to make a move to save myself.  Below, you will see some of the steps that I had to take and where I am now, and how my mindset changed.

How I saved my life.

1. Went to the Library and found self-help books to rebuild my self-esteem and to see where I went wrong in the relationship.
2. Learned to love myself and concentrate on all of my needs.
3. I decided that I would not concentrate on looks when looking for a mate and to see what was in the man's heart and that he was genuinely in love with me instead of in lust with me. lol
4. I sincerely prayed for God's guidance and instruction on how to move forward in a positive way.
5. I made the decision not to date for a while and learn to be happy as a single woman.
6. I kept myself so busy, so I didn't feel like I was missing something.
7. Bought me some special gifts for Valentine's Day to celebrate, me.
8. Started a few hobbies that help to keep my mind off, love and relationships.
9. Went to some events alone and still had a wonderful time.
10. Learned how to have friendships with men, without having the pressure of dating.

I have decided that having a relationship doesn't define who I am.  I am wonderful and fabulous, just the way I am, and really glad that I don't have all the drama that was in my life. 

 Trusting your intuition is a way to avoid getting yourself into dangerous and non-productive situations.  You have to realize what all the red flags are and learn to avoid them at all costs.

When you have high self-worth; Men who would ordinarily talk to you will pass you by and that will make room for men of quality to come into your life.

You deserve a life with a man who will celebrate you and who will add to your life in a positive manner.  Life is short; please do not settle for a man who is unstable because you will be miserable.

He Makes A Difference In My Children

Anonymous: Hello, SashaMonique, I have a big problem and I hope you can help me.  I have been married for five years and I have two little girls. 

 One is nine and the other is seven years old.  The seven-year-old is very fond of my husband and he seems to really care about her.  He thinks of her as his daughter.

 The other daughter, he doesn't care for, he said she is fresh and disrespectful.  My daughter does talk back and I spoke to her regarding her attitude.  He doesn't realize, that she is just a little girl and he needs to give her a chance. 

 My ex-husband doesn't spend any time with the girls and this has been very hard on them.  What can I do SashaMonique?

SashaMoniqueTalks:  I hope I can help you.  You said that your husband really loves the seven-year-old and he probably thinks of her as a baby. 

 The nine-year-old is having a hard time sharing her family with her step-dad.  Maybe you can talk to him to reach out to get to know her more and do some father-daughter activities and tell your daughter, that she is being disrespectful and that is why the step-dad is avoiding her. 

 It would also be good if you can get in touch with your ex-husband so he can spend time with the girls.  You can also ask a reliable male, family member to act as a mentor or father figure to the girls.