Why are you still struggling like a single mom when you are not?

Why are you still struggling like a single mom when you are not?

I have been watching women on social media for some time and noticed a sad trend. There are a lot of women who are in a marriage or a relationship, and when they have a crisis, the man is nowhere to be found.  The man is supposedly in the household but you have to ask family or strangers for help.  

I know that everyone falls on hard times sometimes but this is happening with every man you are with.  Some women are struggling to keep a roof over their heads and also with food for their kids.  It is really unfair to the women and the children.  Why do we put up with such nonsense?

Ladies, please be careful with the people who you allow into your life.  If he is just sitting around while you work, and he is eating up all of the food, and when your food gets low, he is gone; you don't need him. 

 Some of us are constantly becoming pregnant by these men, but they have nothing to offer you and your children. If you don't have someone who will add to your household and help you with expenses; you don't need them.

  Some of you are good mothers, and you are really trying hard to raise your children, but you are doing it alone when you don't have to.

 This is all I have to say on this matter.

Is your money not stretching enough this year?

Is your money not stretching enough this year?

Image courtesy of Pixabay

If your money isn't stretching very far this year, you are not alone.  I had to cut corners myself.  Food is high, and so is everything else.  It is getting harder and harder to make it, quite frankly.

I haven't really been able to have a night out lately because food and transportation are so expensive, and you know you have to give a tip. 

 I have been spending more time enjoying my family.  I am cooking more at home.  I have a Firestick, and it is such a blessing.  We enjoy watching movies and eating home-cooked meals together. 

It truly is bringing us closer together.  I am careful about not buying things that I really don't need right now.  In the last two years, I actually prepared myself for this time because I started buying products in bulk to prepare for the increase in prices.  I am still using these products today. 

Check and see if there are any ways that you can cut down on some of your expenses.  Sometimes, there are things that we are so used to spending extra money on that we don't realize that it costs a lot more this year. 

Maybe you have the heat up high when you are at work and nobody is at home.  You can put the heat down, and time it to come on when you are on your way home.  That way, you come home to a nice and warm house.   

Add more blankets to your bed to save money.  Try doing most of your shopping in one trip so you don't have to make unnecessary trips, and this will cut down on gas. 

Make a list of some of the products that you would be willing to buy that are generic and some of the products that you are willing to pay extra for. 

Take on an online side hustle or do Uber or Lyft.

Learn how to cut or maintain your own hair at home.  Hair clippers are very inexpensive compared to going to the Barber or hair salon.

Buy your snacks in bulk so you can avoid the vending machine at work.

I have been buying cheaper cuts of meat and preparing them in my crockpot.  This saves quite a bit of money.  Going to the butcher counter and finding out what meat is on sale will help you to save money.

Image courtesy of Pixabay

If you are paying a lot of fees at the gym, spend time running in the park or buy gym equipment on Facebook Marketplace for a good price.  This will save you so much money in the long run. 

Buy your clothes in the summer so you can get them for a cheaper price.

If you have children, find a cheaper phone service that they can use.  There are a lot of them out there, and they are always having promotions.  Sometimes, it depends on how many lines you need. 

Make a list of the things that you are willing to do without or cut down on this year.  You will be amazed about the amount of things that you cut down on that will free up a lot more money. 

Lunch and chat with me/ He is not your kids uncle/ relationship and cheating advice.

I have a series that I do on YouTube where I have lunch and I chat with you.  Today I am eating Blaze Pizza and I talk about why Men respect the wedding ring but Women do not.  Sometimes, people think that they should date whomever they want without any consequences.  

People get married because of love but also because it is a contract between you and that other person.  To prove that it is a contract, you have to get a divorce to end it. So it isn't something that you should enter into without much thought.  

When you are dating a Man who is married, it affects everyone in the family, not just the wife.

Nobody really thinks about the children and how this affects their self-esteem.  Please check this video out, and please let me know what you think about this subject.

 

What is the best thing that you did for yourself this year?

What is the best thing that you did for yourself this year?

It took me a while to fully invest in myself.  This year, I made it my business to invest in my peace of mind.  I spent more money investing in my brand.  Trying to promote yourself is not easy because blogging is really over saturated. 

 I took the time to research what my audience like and I also took some quiet time to just focus on the things that I love and to rest.   Social media can be taxing on your body and your mind. 

 You try to support a lot of people and next thing you know, your day is totally gone.  I had to start doing what I required for myself.  Supporting myself became a big priority.

Updating my equipment to be a better creator is a must for me.  As I get older I want some of my content to concentrate on women who are in my age group because we are often ignored. 

 My biggest viewers of my blog and my YouTube channel are women 25-45 which is very surprising to me.  I love that they like my content without judging me because of my age.

It took me a long time to grow on both platforms and I am still not that popular but I am seeing a lot of growth from last year till now.  I think it is because I have become even more authentic.  

The best thing that I did for myself this year was to embrace every part of me and to know that I deserve the best.  That means for me to embrace my flaws and all.

I am going to be more consistent on my platforms and to share more of my life.  I appreciate you all for being here and supporting my content.  It means so much to me.

Family estrangements and how to cope with them

Family estrangements and how to cope with them

Sashamoniquetalksadviceshow is a participant in the Amazon Associates Program.  I earn from qualifying purchases.

Estrangements are one of the subjects that no one wants to talk about.  Most of the time we sweep things under the rug and just hope that they will magically go away.  It is something that should be talked about because it happens to so many of us.

Sometimes people decide to stop talking to their good friends and family because a lot of things happened such as abuse, alienation, being mean and not hearing people, being judgmental and etc.

But sometimes it comes from people using this tactic to try to control their friends or family. People have the right to protect their sanity and their family but there is the narcissist who uses it to come into people's lives and then abruptly leave for no reason at all.  Then they will come back and do the same thing.

You often wonder what did I say, what happened.  You cannot remember what you did and you come to the conclusion that you haven't done anything.  Some people have an abusive personality and they want to abuse you and gaslight you in a way where you are constantly wondering what happened.

I am not a psychiatrist or a therapist but I refuse to put up with such nonsense from a friend or family.  Get counseling and also read some self-help books to heal from this emotional abuse because that is what it is.  Never allow someone to do this to you.  It is quite painful emotionally.

Life is too short. Keep people in your life who add to your life in a positive way. Sometimes people are not going to care about you and you have to be honest with yourself regarding this.  Do not let anyone use you as their whipping board.

Do you mirror your friends?

Do you mirror your friends?

Over my lifetime I have had friends that dressed the same, act the same, and dated the same kind of people. Some of these people were doing this because maybe they felt that they wouldn't fit in if they didn't.  I never really fit in, so I didn't care to dress the way they dress, or talk the way they talk, and I definitely, didn't want the same kind of boyfriends that they had.  

My friends who did this even shared some of the negative aspects of their friends' lives.  One person, in particular, had gotten pregnant as a teen because her friend did, and she wanted to be a teen mom just like her.  

The problem with this is the fact that the friend (the leader) had a very supportive mom who helped her throughout her pregnancy but the friend who mirrored her friend ended up without any support. 

Her mom was a single parent and she had four kids.  She didn't want her daughter to turn out like her.  She didn't have enough money to have another mouth to feed.  She had warned her daughter many times that she would end up homeless if she became pregnant or if she became incarcerated. 

She didn't realize that her daughter didn't love herself.  Her daughter was actually a very smart young lady, but she had fallen because of peer pressure and because she didn't feel good about herself.  

Her daughter ended up in a shelter for unwed mothers (that is what it was called at that time).  What seemed like a fate that you would not wish on your worst enemy ended up becoming a blessing in disguise.  

She had a lot of services at her fingertips.  She was able to get a trade and have parenting classes, and she started mirroring the positive people who were in her life. 

What started as a negative trait ended up saving her life.  She was able to get a great job, put her child in great schools, and worked on her self-esteem.  You see, that was the main reason why she ended up as a single mom. 

She started counseling to see how and why she felt very low about herself.  My friend totally changed her life around. The moral of this story is for you to surround yourself with people who are doing great things in their life and also learn to love yourself. 

 There was a time when I didn't love myself but I had to reach inside myself to find out about all the great things that I had to offer the world.  I also spent a lot of time alone and I began to love myself.  I started to educate myself quietly so I didn't have to deal with the negative opinions of others. 

I don't care what your life looks like at this time.  You may not have the same things that your friends have. You may live in the inner city and don't have much support.  Start researching different services in your local library and places like The Urban League to see whether they have free classes or groups for someone like you.

Try not to mirror anyone.  Be yourself and work on yourself.  You do not have to be in competition with other people.  You are great!  With a positive outlook, you are going to do great things in your life.

How do you come to terms with a failed relationship?

How do you come to terms with a failed relationship?

There may be affiliate links in this post which means that I will receive a small commission if a purchase is made.

Rarely do relationships start out on a bad footing, but if you can think back you can see little signs that you disregarded.  Like, he was very attentive to your appearance.  He told you that you were beautiful every chance that he got.

He took you around all of his friends, bragged about all of your accomplishments, and took you to beautiful restaurants every weekend.

Then one day you spoke to him, and he wouldn't even look you in the eye.  You told him that you wanted to go and see the latest movie and he growled at you and said "No."   You called your best friend, and you told her that he was acting differently in the relationship.  He was very distant.  She wanted to know the details and when all of this started.  You said, "it started a month ago."

The last straw was when you were going to your friend's wedding, and you told him that he had to go shopping to get a new suit. He flatly refused and said (I am not going).   In the end, he ended up going, but he acted like you didn't exist.    He told you that you looked fat and horrible in your new dress. Looked at every woman that he saw and complimented her on her outfit and hairdo.    You then asked yourself what did you do wrong.

Well, you weren't responsible for his actions but you disregarded your own feelings and your intuition.  This man lost respect for you, and he felt that he had a right to dismiss you and treat you any kind of way.

He went from complimenting you to disrespecting you.  It sounds like he felt that you were going to put up with it, and you did.

There were times that your friends told you that this person acted like he didn't want to be with you, and you made all sorts of excuses for him.  You said that he was very tired from work, and It cost too much for him to take you out.  You even convinced yourself that you had gained weight, and that is the reason he was no longer interested.

Everybody noticed that he wouldn't look at you when you were talking.  All the signs were there.  Many times we put up with this kind of treatment because it is a learned behavior from our parents.  You are beautiful and worthy, but you don't see yourself as being worthy and enough.  When a man is acting in this manner, it usually means that he found someone else, which means that you have to let him go.  He isn't going to change. 

I encourage you to get counseling and read some self-help and relationship books.  They are very helpful.  I highly recommend this one.  This is what I did to change my life from being a victim.  Love yourself, make yourself happy, and then the right person will come along.